Mentor: How can you develop your listening skills?

Listening is fundamental in mentoring. As a mentor, it allows you to better understand your mentee, to have productive exchanges and to help them grow throughout the mentoring relationship.

So how can you improve your listening skills and have a greater impact with what you say? Here are some tips from Elo.

1. Be present

Being present means showing verbal and non-verbal signs of interest to the person you are listening to. First, get into the habit of maintaining eye contact without staring at the person in front of you.

Then, demonstrate that you are all ears and focused on the conversation. Make sure you are not doing anything else at the same time (such as checking your phone) and eliminate any distractions (notifications, emails, chats).

Also consider adopting a relaxed posture (e.g., hands relaxed and expression attentive). Avoid postures that are closed (such as having your arms crossed). When you are not speaking, remember to nod, smile and smile.

Finally, stay observant. In other words, pay close attention to their intonation and non-verbal cues (posture, facial expressions, eye contact, etc.).

Finally, at the beginning of the meeting, why not start with “I am listening”? Your interlocutor will understand that you are now paying full attention to him/her.

2. Do not interrupt the speaker

Remember that a good listener is someone who speaks only when necessary (to check his or her understanding or to help the other person think further, for example).

3. Ask open-ended questions

Open-ended, direct questions allow you to learn more about the other person, to clarify a point or to understand what is being said.

Here are some examples of open-ended questions to use during your mentoring meetings:

• What do you understand about the situation?
• What can you try?
• How do you see things…?
• What solutions do you see to this obstacle?
• Who could help you at ….?
• How do you feel about this experience…?
• When you say…, am I to understand that…?
• Where could you find the resources that…?
• Why?

4. Rephrase what your mentee has said

By synthesizing and rephrasing what your mentee has said, you check your understanding and move the conversation forward. At the same time, it allows the person in front of you to feel more understood and to be more confident.

Here are four possible methods of rephrasing:

4.1 Echo (or parrot) rephrasing: This is the simplest technique, but not the easiest, since we tend to do “selective listening”. You repeat the words of your interlocutor (or only the most important words if the sentence is long).

E.g.: “I’m seriously considering a change of direction. If I don’t, I’m in danger of overworking myself.

Rephrase: “you feel overworked?”

4.2 Mirror (or reflection) rephrasing: You rephrase the statement in your own words. By paraphrasing, you demonstrate your desire to understand what is being said. Your interlocutor feels more understood.

E.g. “I’m seriously considering a change of direction.”

You can use the following sentences : “If I understood correctly…”  “In other words…” “If I understand correctly…” “You mean that…

Rephrase: “If I understand correctly, you want to change direction because…?”

4.3 Summarized reformulation (or synthesis): This can be useful to refocus people who are scattered. You synthesize what they say in order to get to the point. This allows you to come back to the main topic of the discussion.

Rephrase: “If I sum up, you are telling me that…” “If I summarize…” “To reiterate…” “In two words…”

4.4 Clarification restatement: If you want to remove ambiguity or seek clarification, you guide your interlocutor to clarify their thoughts.

Lead-in: “In other words…” “That means…” “To be clear…” “So you think that…” “If I understand correctly what you’re telling me…”

Example: “I don’t think I’ll be able to succeed!”

Restatement clarification: “So, you’re saying that you don’t believe you can succeed, right?”

5. Show empathy

Empathy is a crucial element of effective mentoring relationships as it allows mentors to better understand the needs and challenges of their mentees. By being empathetic, mentors establish more meaningful and positive relationships with their mentees, which helps them feel more comfortable and confident in sharing their experiences and difficulties.

Try to put yourself in your mentee’s shoes. They will feel better understood, gain more trust, and make faster progress. You can use phrases such as “I understand that…” or “I know that…”

If you have experienced a similar situation to your mentee’s, share that experience and how you went through it. Your mentee will appreciate knowing that their mentor has been there before and successfully overcome it or learned significant lessons from it.

Active listening is demonstrated by active participation from the mentor in every discussion. By actively listening to your mentee, you can make suggestions, guide them to take action, and provide feedback.